So I have sat idle for long enough and I feel the need to have a word with the ladies. There are some things regarding your choice of clothing that needs to be addressed. As you all know that I am a bartender I see all of the latest trends and I make a mental note of the ones that I like and laugh at the ones that I wore back in the 80's that were ridiculous then but even worse now because the younger generation was stupid enough to bring them back.... o and think that they look good.
With that said let's get to it.....first of all to all of the girls who are wearing a bra that wasn't properly fitted to your body. If you look in the mirror and you see two giant boobs and then two smaller boobs right in the cleavage area that is not extra cleavage. that means that your bra is too small and your boobs are pouring out of the top of it. It doesn't matter if it is your favorite leopard print bra..... guess what you have had one too many pizza rolls and it's to damn small for you now. Time to go to Vic Secret and let the experts tell you your bra size...stand there and take the punishment of some random 20 something year old chick wrapping that measuring tool around your boobs and telling you that you are two sizes bigger than what you are actually wearing. ...o and don't fight with them because guess what nobody wants to look at all four of your boobs anymore...fix it!!!
Next on my list...I would like to address the "Camel Toe"....for those of you who don't know what a Camel Toe is let me explain...If you pile your size 8 body into a pair of size 4 jeans just because you can and you think that you look good...you obiviously haven't taken in the whole picture. Get a floor length mirror sista cuz you are not a size 4 anymore!!! Camel Toe is when you are wearing a pair of jeans that are way too tight and you look in the mirror...don't just look at your ass turn around if you can clearly make out all of your vaginal parts guess what you have camel toe...remove your jeans immediately. It is not attractive to show everyone your junk....and ladies, guys know what camel toe is and they don't think it is cute....
Now to the "Muffin Top"....one of my favorites...let's go back to the whole size 8 wearing a size 4 chick...if you have a roll of flubber hanging over the top of your jeans than guess what when you put your mid drift shit on (mid drift shirts will be addressed next) that roll of flubber....um Muffin Top...you look like the top of a muffin...skinny on the bottom and rotund on the top....you can not wear low rise jeans I'm sorry I know it's the trend but not for you....mid rise or the mommy jeans(mommy jeans are jeans that basically go up to just under the boob area...in which case you would end up with a fupa....and I don't think that you are ready for me to address the fupa yet)
ahhh the mid drift shirt....an 80's staple has made it's way back into style. The mid drift shirt can only be worn by a few women. If you are over the age of 22 you should not attempt the mid drift shirt. I don't care if you work out everyday and you have a six pack stomach...it's trashy!!! If you have the slightest muffin top than please for everyone who has to observe you don't do it!!! I am just sayin....
The last thing that I need to address is for the guys....if you are holding your jeans up around your upper thighs with a belt and your boxers are clearly visible and we can make out the crack of your ass through them...pull your jeans up. It's so not attractive..you are not gangsta you are an idiot and you look like an idiot...no chick wants to hangout with a guy that can not buy a pair of jeans that actually fit their body...
Just my opinions...peace out!!!
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