so as I sit and ponder what to blog I realized that just talking about some stupid shit is enough entertainment for most people...and I have also figured out that people just love to hear me bitch about whatever is on my mind at the moment...
so here goes I guess...WTF is wrong with people who don't pick up their dog's shit...I mean seriously I have walked my daughter to school and encountered dog poops that I swear have come from an elephant...and on more than one occasion have been witness to one of my own kids or another kid pretty much stepping in the shit while running so that their feet don't just step in the shit they slide threw it...really so not only do they start to freak out screaming and crying MOMMY IS SMELLS BAD GET IT OFF GET IT OFF...as they realize that they now have animal feces on the bottom of their shoe, but that their mother has started gagging and pretty much puking in her mouth while trying to clean off their shoe by rubbing the thing in the grass because hey so sorry but we didn't come prepared for our children to slide threw dog shit on their way into school...and you mean to tell me that the dog owner didn't see good ole Rover who is the size of a gorilla take a shit on the sidewalk...Have you ever heard of poop bags or maybe one of the thousand Market Basket bags that you throw away in the trash...you could stop and pick it up, but god forbid that you have to carry your dog's shit on your early morning stroll...that's like leaving your kids dirty shit diaper on the side of the road because the smell was making you sick...
let's not forget the dog owners who carry around their cute little ankle biters in purses or in carriages...give me a friggin break man...it's a dog not a child...you can't bring into the mall just because it fits into your bag...are you an idiot no dogs allowed actually means no dogs allowed...and do you really think that your baby chiuchua wants to wear a hat and skirt fuck no...that's just messed...hey you freaks don't dress up your dogs it weird...and guess what just cause your cute little puppy does tiny little doggy poops doesn't mean that you don't have to pick the shit up..it's still shit dumbass and somebody will step in it...
Then there is the dirty dog and I am totally perplexed and extremely grossed out by this breed...and I have to say that unfortunately my dog has succumbed to the dirty dog once...so I was walking my cute black lab down my street and I had my son with me...a cute little boy with his mommy and his doggy out for a walk until....I looked over at my precious little pup...mommy's baby the cutest dog ever and she was chewing on something that she had picked up..now me being the good doggy mom that I am couldn't let her eat off of the ground...so I bent down and pryed her mouth open and stuck my hand inside and pulled out what she was chewing on...only to realize that I now had a handful on another's dogs shit in my hand...under my fingernails...up my arm..in between my fingers...I immediatley started to throw up on the side on my street gagging and vomiting right out there for everyone to see......my son saw me puking and started to completely friggin loose it crying and screaming my mom is throwiing up what's wrong mommy...my dog was running pulling me down the street by the leash because I had scared her...so now we are all running back towards my house not because we were trying to win a race but because my dog was in the lead...my son crying and screaming, my dog in a full sprint and me with shit on my hand and puking while running behind everyone...yelling at my son to hurry up because the smell of the shit was beyond gross...what a site...I got back to my house and ran in and scoured my hand in the hottest water that I could get basically getting third degree burns and still gagging at the horror of what just happened trying to get the shit out from under my beautifully manicured 25 dollar a week friggin nails...and then I scoured out my dogs mouth who sat there patiently because she knew that she was a dirty crap eating mutt who was in big trouble...After all was said and done my son turned to me and said if you were going to pick up Jetta's poop why didn't you just use a poop bag....UGH!!!! FML!!!!
if you own a dog...pick up it's shit or I will find you...peace out!!!
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
music....
isn't great when you can turn on a certain song and just be brought back to a certain memory or a special place in time...Jimmy Buffett said that every song tells a story, but a great song brings you back to where you were when you first heard it...Music is such a personal experience....I work every night behind the bar and listen to the different songs that are being played and watch for the reaction that comes from the customers....mostly people stop and listen and then you can see that smile come across their faces as they sit back and enjoy the music....or sometimes the song has such meaning that they begin to sing and get the little had bob going...either way their mind has gone to a different place in time...Then there are those great nights when someone will play a song and everyone in the whole bar will just start singing.....you can't help but smile because you know that when they hear that song again this is the memory that they will conjure up...and you are just happy to have been part of it..I have been part of a few of these nights when the whole bar is just having fun and singing, it's a great experience.
There are certain people who can walk up to the jukebox and just know how to play music to the crowd....they can look around see who is there and play for them..those are the nights that are so much fun...then there are those idiots that walk up to the jukebox and play music for self indulgence...now don't get me wrong I know that music is a very personal thing...but if you are going to walk up to the jukebox and play 16 songs by Godsmack and AC/DC chances are nobody is going to be having much fun except for you...and I am pretty certain that you probably cleared out half the friggin bar so thank you very much shithead for making me loose money...Save your heavy metal make my want to kill myself death wish for your car please and thank you..then there are those people that are crying over their shot of whiskey and play the music that puts everyone to sleep and makes them want again kill themselves because they are now so friggin sad listening to every friggin sappy flipping love song known to man...to them I say just go jump off a friggin bridge because it's not going to get better anyway and you might as well just end it now and put everyone out the misery of listening to your endless stories of heartbreak...o wait I'm sorry sir is this place where as a bartnder I am supoosed to give a shit about what you were just talking about because I wasn't fucking listening...now what do you want to drink dumbass!!!!
Working in a college bar I have had the opportunity to watch so many people through different phases in their lives...It has been a pleasure for the most part and I have made some amazing friends...that I would never have met because the age difference is so significant...with that said when we first opened at Sidelines there was a particular group of guys that would come in every Thursday night as it was guys night out....they would drink their faces off, play great music and tip great...some of these guys are my best friends now...they have mostly moved on, some moved away, some got married, and I have been privileged to go to some of their weddings and see their babies being born, but they still come in once in awhile and it makes me smile...Well last Monday night I was working and I saw the same group of guys in a new generation of people...it was a weird time warp experience for me...They were singing and drinking and having such a great time it made me realize... time and music can bring you back, and for this new group of special friends they were making the memories to these songs, and I was happy to be part of it...people change but the music always stays the same...
I want to rock you gypsy soul....just like way back in the days old and we sail into the mystic....PEACE OUT BABY!!!
There are certain people who can walk up to the jukebox and just know how to play music to the crowd....they can look around see who is there and play for them..those are the nights that are so much fun...then there are those idiots that walk up to the jukebox and play music for self indulgence...now don't get me wrong I know that music is a very personal thing...but if you are going to walk up to the jukebox and play 16 songs by Godsmack and AC/DC chances are nobody is going to be having much fun except for you...and I am pretty certain that you probably cleared out half the friggin bar so thank you very much shithead for making me loose money...Save your heavy metal make my want to kill myself death wish for your car please and thank you..then there are those people that are crying over their shot of whiskey and play the music that puts everyone to sleep and makes them want again kill themselves because they are now so friggin sad listening to every friggin sappy flipping love song known to man...to them I say just go jump off a friggin bridge because it's not going to get better anyway and you might as well just end it now and put everyone out the misery of listening to your endless stories of heartbreak...o wait I'm sorry sir is this place where as a bartnder I am supoosed to give a shit about what you were just talking about because I wasn't fucking listening...now what do you want to drink dumbass!!!!
Working in a college bar I have had the opportunity to watch so many people through different phases in their lives...It has been a pleasure for the most part and I have made some amazing friends...that I would never have met because the age difference is so significant...with that said when we first opened at Sidelines there was a particular group of guys that would come in every Thursday night as it was guys night out....they would drink their faces off, play great music and tip great...some of these guys are my best friends now...they have mostly moved on, some moved away, some got married, and I have been privileged to go to some of their weddings and see their babies being born, but they still come in once in awhile and it makes me smile...Well last Monday night I was working and I saw the same group of guys in a new generation of people...it was a weird time warp experience for me...They were singing and drinking and having such a great time it made me realize... time and music can bring you back, and for this new group of special friends they were making the memories to these songs, and I was happy to be part of it...people change but the music always stays the same...
I want to rock you gypsy soul....just like way back in the days old and we sail into the mystic....PEACE OUT BABY!!!
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Katie unedited and Pittsburgh Baby
So who takes a 12 hour car ride to Pittsburgh and actually enjoys the peace and quiet of the trip.....I did that last weekend with two great road trip buddies...we traveled to Pitt to surprise one of my very best friends ever....She had no idea that we were coming and her husband was in on the surprise....only he is terrible at keeping secrets so i was very nervous that he would spill the beans... which he may just have i don't yet...
So the trip down there was fun minus the two hours of traffic that we had to sit on 95 to get to the Mass Pike...one of the worst traffic merges that I have ever seen in my life where 93 merges with 95...I mean who's friggin idea was that? and you would think with all of the road work that we pay for they could fix it so that it's not car ass to car ass of traffic... Another thing that I noticed is that the curiosity factor that we hear about so much on the radio traffic reports is actually true...there is a fender bender on the other side of the highway, you know two cars barely touch each other and it backs up traffic for miles on the other side of the highway because people are so friggin nosey that they want to see what's going on...o wait here's a thought turn your flipping head pay attention to what is going on in front of you and drive your car....do you really want to see if someone is dead on the other side of the highway that bad to slow down to a turtle's pace to check it out?
Anyway when we finally got to PIttsburgh I was so excited to see Katie and Brian....Katie walked into the bar where we met them and pretty much had a look of confusion on her face at first and proceeded to say that she knew I was there....which is why I think that Brian may have spilled it...but seriously we just drove 12 hours shut the fuck up and pretend you are surprised before I kill you....we proceeded to drink our faces off that night....last call in Pittsburgh is 2 am great just what we need an extra our of drinking...but I think that I did a little happy dance when I found out....so I decided that at about 1 am it was time to do some shots...brilliant move on my part back to back to back shots of jager...at which point Katie's elbows were now attached to the side of her body and she was a T-rex...now mind you she was sitting on a bar stool and she tried to reach for her shot with her elbow stuck to herself and when she did she fell off the bar stool spilled the shot on herself and Jess and then fell to the floor...the bar stool went about 4 stools down and i couldn't stop to help her up because I was laughing so hard that I just may have peed my pants....when she got up finally...her first words were "how the fuck does one fall from a sitting position"...clearly an unanswerable question....
One may have thought that they night should have ended there...for normal people it probably would have but not us...anyway when we finally got back to the hotel everybody was so tired, but I was pretty wired from drinking about 27 vodka red bulls...what the hell do they put in that stuff anyway....Everyone finally passed out at about 3:30 am....well that was until...
All of a sudden I hear this hysterical laugh coming from the direction of Katie and Brian...followed by fucking bitch fucking bitch and more laughter...I see Katie get up and fall on top of my other friend who was asleep and woken up with a jolt...she proceeds to start to bear crawl across the bed mumbling about peeing and still laughing...mind you she was sound asleep!! Her husband gets up takes her into the bathroom and I can hear her still laughing....they come out of the bathroom and Brian has his arm around Katie who proceeds to crumble to the floor and Brian doesn't notice because he continues to walk back to bed with his arm out like he is still holding Katie up...Katie is now laying on the floor laughing and still asleep....I go to help her up with my arms under her arm pits I drag her to bed with her legs traveling behind her...where she collaspes...you would think the night ended there right....well um not so much after about ten minutes this ungodly snore escapes from her that should never come from such a little girl...it was the snore of a 700 pound man...but here it was coming from my tiny little friend...and I started to laugh because what could i do....I shook her, slapped her, pinched her nose and tried to roll her over...nothing worked...and when she finally woke up in the morning....she woke with a bright eyed Hey how did you guys sleep? and I just sat and laughed, she didn't remember anything and that my friends is one of the many reasons...why I LOVE KATIE SO MUCH....
The trip after that first night just got better....we went to a cowboy bar where my friend who doesn't drink mind you had at one point 6 or 7 happy hour vodka tonics in front of him....needless to say his late night didn't turn out so well....I on the other hand felt his pain for puking up all of that cheap vodka but I also found myself sitting in the tub holding his hair back while he puked with a slight grin on my face...NOt to say that I was happy that he got sick, but that I was finally sure that he was officially drunk...
Let me tell you about this place called Primanti Brothers...why anybody in their right mind would eat here boggles the mind...but it is a Pittsburgh staple, if you go to Pitt then you eat at Primanti's....so here's how it goes, you pick your meat of choice...which I will tell you the grossest thing that could be picked was picked by my friend...two runny fried eggs...so they put this on bread and then add coleslaw to that proceeded by the greasiest french fries that I have seen in my life on the sandwich...all of that in between two pieces of bread o yummy....I almost threw up watching him eat it...but he and everyone else ate their sandwiches with gusto...but later in the evening it didn't look to tasty coming back up...LOL
So at this cowboy bar they had a mechanical bull....totally wanted to ride it but like all females that have some self respect I didn't want to embarass myself...as I watched these chicks get up there one after one I remember thinking I could do that...UNTIL this chick got on the bull with a jean mini skirt on and she proceeds to dry hump the bull to the point that her mini skirt was up around her boobs and her ass cheeks had completely eaten her thong....so now this chick is riding this bull bare ass.... a normal person would let go and just fall off...not this chick she was proud as a peacock with her lilly white ass hanging out all over the bar....imagine the next person who rode that bull with all of her fluids staining the seat....
So I could go on and on about how much fun that I had in Pitt...but it time for dinner so i gotta go....I did get to see Amish people which was awesome and I got some new ink...WHOOP!!! WHOOP!!!
PEACE, LOVE AND PITTSBURGH BABY!!!
So the trip down there was fun minus the two hours of traffic that we had to sit on 95 to get to the Mass Pike...one of the worst traffic merges that I have ever seen in my life where 93 merges with 95...I mean who's friggin idea was that? and you would think with all of the road work that we pay for they could fix it so that it's not car ass to car ass of traffic... Another thing that I noticed is that the curiosity factor that we hear about so much on the radio traffic reports is actually true...there is a fender bender on the other side of the highway, you know two cars barely touch each other and it backs up traffic for miles on the other side of the highway because people are so friggin nosey that they want to see what's going on...o wait here's a thought turn your flipping head pay attention to what is going on in front of you and drive your car....do you really want to see if someone is dead on the other side of the highway that bad to slow down to a turtle's pace to check it out?
Anyway when we finally got to PIttsburgh I was so excited to see Katie and Brian....Katie walked into the bar where we met them and pretty much had a look of confusion on her face at first and proceeded to say that she knew I was there....which is why I think that Brian may have spilled it...but seriously we just drove 12 hours shut the fuck up and pretend you are surprised before I kill you....we proceeded to drink our faces off that night....last call in Pittsburgh is 2 am great just what we need an extra our of drinking...but I think that I did a little happy dance when I found out....so I decided that at about 1 am it was time to do some shots...brilliant move on my part back to back to back shots of jager...at which point Katie's elbows were now attached to the side of her body and she was a T-rex...now mind you she was sitting on a bar stool and she tried to reach for her shot with her elbow stuck to herself and when she did she fell off the bar stool spilled the shot on herself and Jess and then fell to the floor...the bar stool went about 4 stools down and i couldn't stop to help her up because I was laughing so hard that I just may have peed my pants....when she got up finally...her first words were "how the fuck does one fall from a sitting position"...clearly an unanswerable question....
One may have thought that they night should have ended there...for normal people it probably would have but not us...anyway when we finally got back to the hotel everybody was so tired, but I was pretty wired from drinking about 27 vodka red bulls...what the hell do they put in that stuff anyway....Everyone finally passed out at about 3:30 am....well that was until...
All of a sudden I hear this hysterical laugh coming from the direction of Katie and Brian...followed by fucking bitch fucking bitch and more laughter...I see Katie get up and fall on top of my other friend who was asleep and woken up with a jolt...she proceeds to start to bear crawl across the bed mumbling about peeing and still laughing...mind you she was sound asleep!! Her husband gets up takes her into the bathroom and I can hear her still laughing....they come out of the bathroom and Brian has his arm around Katie who proceeds to crumble to the floor and Brian doesn't notice because he continues to walk back to bed with his arm out like he is still holding Katie up...Katie is now laying on the floor laughing and still asleep....I go to help her up with my arms under her arm pits I drag her to bed with her legs traveling behind her...where she collaspes...you would think the night ended there right....well um not so much after about ten minutes this ungodly snore escapes from her that should never come from such a little girl...it was the snore of a 700 pound man...but here it was coming from my tiny little friend...and I started to laugh because what could i do....I shook her, slapped her, pinched her nose and tried to roll her over...nothing worked...and when she finally woke up in the morning....she woke with a bright eyed Hey how did you guys sleep? and I just sat and laughed, she didn't remember anything and that my friends is one of the many reasons...why I LOVE KATIE SO MUCH....
The trip after that first night just got better....we went to a cowboy bar where my friend who doesn't drink mind you had at one point 6 or 7 happy hour vodka tonics in front of him....needless to say his late night didn't turn out so well....I on the other hand felt his pain for puking up all of that cheap vodka but I also found myself sitting in the tub holding his hair back while he puked with a slight grin on my face...NOt to say that I was happy that he got sick, but that I was finally sure that he was officially drunk...
Let me tell you about this place called Primanti Brothers...why anybody in their right mind would eat here boggles the mind...but it is a Pittsburgh staple, if you go to Pitt then you eat at Primanti's....so here's how it goes, you pick your meat of choice...which I will tell you the grossest thing that could be picked was picked by my friend...two runny fried eggs...so they put this on bread and then add coleslaw to that proceeded by the greasiest french fries that I have seen in my life on the sandwich...all of that in between two pieces of bread o yummy....I almost threw up watching him eat it...but he and everyone else ate their sandwiches with gusto...but later in the evening it didn't look to tasty coming back up...LOL
So at this cowboy bar they had a mechanical bull....totally wanted to ride it but like all females that have some self respect I didn't want to embarass myself...as I watched these chicks get up there one after one I remember thinking I could do that...UNTIL this chick got on the bull with a jean mini skirt on and she proceeds to dry hump the bull to the point that her mini skirt was up around her boobs and her ass cheeks had completely eaten her thong....so now this chick is riding this bull bare ass.... a normal person would let go and just fall off...not this chick she was proud as a peacock with her lilly white ass hanging out all over the bar....imagine the next person who rode that bull with all of her fluids staining the seat....
So I could go on and on about how much fun that I had in Pitt...but it time for dinner so i gotta go....I did get to see Amish people which was awesome and I got some new ink...WHOOP!!! WHOOP!!!
PEACE, LOVE AND PITTSBURGH BABY!!!
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