ugh is summer really over?

So here we go....first off where the hell did the summer go? I am really annoyed with the fact that next weekend is labor day weekend. I am so not ready for the fun days of fall. Please...first off I have no jeans that fit so in order to actually be warm this fall I am required to go shopping. Secondly who the hell wants to friggin spend half a month raking leaves. I have this giant retarded tree in front of my house, it's leaves don't fall when everyone else's leaves fall....of course not why would they? So I get to rake the leaves that fall from my neighbors trees and blow down the street and conviently stop in front of my house...take a whole Sunday afternoon raking my neighbors leaves because of the damn wind....then when leave raking season should come to an end for all of the normal trees my tree decides that it would be a great time for its leaves to fall...and god forbid the wind pick up as my leaves are falling...um no...my leaves fall and land directly on my front lawn and that's where they stay...until they are raked up...it's beyond fun.
Then we have the fun task of covering the pool and the never ending battle of keeping the rain water off of the pool cover. So we get to stare at the god awful ugly pool cover for the next nine months...and when it rains we have to run outside with the make shift pump stick, it in the pool cover and suck all of the water out before it starts to freeze. Last year I ran outside with the pump, threw it in the pool started sucking the gross water off of the cover and what happens next....o gee let me tell you....I grabbed the pump and the hose ripped out of the bottom of the pump, but hey guess what the pump did not stop pumping...no why would it? That would've been nice, but instead all of the dirty nasty gross smelly disgusting pool cover water came flying threw the pump and smashed directly into my face....it was a really good time...hope it happens again this year...and who designs those pool covers anyway? Really couldn't they make them a little bit cuter...I mean we have to stare at it for nine months out of the years? It's butt ugly....
Fall is jus a reminder of what is to come....WINTER ugh only people who lie will tell you that they enjoy the winter....it sucks!!! How can you enjoy below freezing temperatures, gusting winds, and snow that piles up and gets flithy rotten dirty after the first ten minutes of falling...o wait yes I can't wait to shovel and go sledding and build a friggin snowman....um no don't want to do any of that....I hate the flippin winter!!!!! Omg how about trying to bundle up kids with hats, mittens, snow pants, boots, snow coats, turtlenecks, long johns, fluffy socks, sweatpants, so you finally get all of this one them and they are so excited to go outside and play in the snow,,,,meanwhile I am looking at them like you crazy little aliens why would you want to go outside and freeze to death? So you struggle with them and get all of their gear on the them and send their smiling little faes out into the winter wonderland....THEN...they are outside for about ten minutes when someone is crying because the got a snowball in the face or Mommy its freezing out here can we come in? Really so you bring them in and proceed to remove every article of clothing that you just spent the last 30 minutes of your life putting on them...Screw that....I don't why I even live in New England give me a nice hot humid tropical island anyday....

PEACE KIDS!!!!

Summer Vacation.....

As the summer is winding down I can safely say GET THESE GOD DAMN KIDS THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE....I mean really how can I possibly find another exciting thing for them to do...I have been mini golfing two hundred thousand times, to the park, to the beach, to the Willows, o my friggin god... And for the love of God do they really have to fight every two seconds...Mom she is touching me...Mom he is in my room...Mom she held my head under the pool water...Mom he held a pillow over my face lol ok exaggerating but you get it...shut the fuck up!!! You little people are driving me insane...I can't even complete a friggin thought with out someone in my face....hey kid go back to school.... just go and wait for the damn doors to open and for somebody to let you in...

Please little girl who I gave birth to go and take a shower....I will when this show is over...what wait a minute um no go now before i friggin kill you...ok Mom I willshe says... but now they are chasing each other around the house fighting over a picture that they found in a box in the closet from 1982...really I will rip the god damn picture in half and make them eat it...UGH!!! So finally after I scream at the top of my lungs for my daughter to go and take a shower for like the 5th time, her response is OK...in a yelling tone...Really who are talking to doesnt she realize that I gave life to her...I sacrficed my body as a god damn hotel for 40 weeks...I gave up beer to be pregnant and I puked everyday to give you life ...omg so I tell her that after her shower is having a timeout in her room for yelling at me...she immediately starts to cry and can't figure out why she is trouble...and have you realized that girls can give you one dirty look as a parent and you want to grab their face by the cheeks and just squeeze the shit out of them....and my son who has now figured out that I am pissed has frozen in his space at the sound of me handing out timeouts and is just staring at my daughter with pity and a slight smirk because it is not him who is trouble this time...as she is stomping up the stairs, my son who is far from innocent rushes over to me to tell me that he loves me and I am the bestest mommy in the whole world...yeah right who are you trying to play you little shit...I am not buying it...buzz off...

I have now called my dog about 650 times to come down stairs and eat and go outside to the bathroom...guess what the dog does not move unless I rush up the stairs and totally lift her ass off of the floor...really even my dog doesn't listen to me...she is supposed to be my best buddy, my one partner in the this house that doesn't piss me off...but hey guess what might as well get on the friggin gravy boat too....flipping dog...

So I am getting aggravated and totally pissed off trying to get these kids ready to go out and do soemthing fun for them...really and they are giving me a hard time...and my dog who will not come down stairs and eat and get ready for her walk...which is a friggin treat also...I walk the dog and yell at the kids the whole time for running ahead and not looking before they cross the street...so much that my neighbors think that I ma a crazy lunatic...maybe I am i don't know...I yell at the dog because she has to stop and sniff every damn thing on the ground...really....just WALK ....

This is my life...like I said go back to school...and I don;t care if you people think I am mean if you have kids you are raising your arms up in victory over the fact that it is like only one more month and if you don't kids then you have lost the right ot judge me until you push a ten pound alien from your body....PEACE OUT!!!!