I got my toes in the water....ass in the sand...not a worry in the world...a cold beer in my hand...life is good today...life is good today...

Friday, August 6, 2010

Summer Vacation.....

As the summer is winding down I can safely say GET THESE GOD DAMN KIDS THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE....I mean really how can I possibly find another exciting thing for them to do...I have been mini golfing two hundred thousand times, to the park, to the beach, to the Willows, o my friggin god... And for the love of God do they really have to fight every two seconds...Mom she is touching me...Mom he is in my room...Mom she held my head under the pool water...Mom he held a pillow over my face lol ok exaggerating but you get it...shut the fuck up!!! You little people are driving me insane...I can't even complete a friggin thought with out someone in my face....hey kid go back to school.... just go and wait for the damn doors to open and for somebody to let you in...

Please little girl who I gave birth to go and take a shower....I will when this show is over...what wait a minute um no go now before i friggin kill you...ok Mom I willshe says... but now they are chasing each other around the house fighting over a picture that they found in a box in the closet from 1982...really I will rip the god damn picture in half and make them eat it...UGH!!! So finally after I scream at the top of my lungs for my daughter to go and take a shower for like the 5th time, her response is OK...in a yelling tone...Really who are talking to doesnt she realize that I gave life to her...I sacrficed my body as a god damn hotel for 40 weeks...I gave up beer to be pregnant and I puked everyday to give you life ...omg so I tell her that after her shower is having a timeout in her room for yelling at me...she immediately starts to cry and can't figure out why she is trouble...and have you realized that girls can give you one dirty look as a parent and you want to grab their face by the cheeks and just squeeze the shit out of them....and my son who has now figured out that I am pissed has frozen in his space at the sound of me handing out timeouts and is just staring at my daughter with pity and a slight smirk because it is not him who is trouble this time...as she is stomping up the stairs, my son who is far from innocent rushes over to me to tell me that he loves me and I am the bestest mommy in the whole world...yeah right who are you trying to play you little shit...I am not buying it...buzz off...

I have now called my dog about 650 times to come down stairs and eat and go outside to the bathroom...guess what the dog does not move unless I rush up the stairs and totally lift her ass off of the floor...really even my dog doesn't listen to me...she is supposed to be my best buddy, my one partner in the this house that doesn't piss me off...but hey guess what might as well get on the friggin gravy boat too....flipping dog...

So I am getting aggravated and totally pissed off trying to get these kids ready to go out and do soemthing fun for them...really and they are giving me a hard time...and my dog who will not come down stairs and eat and get ready for her walk...which is a friggin treat also...I walk the dog and yell at the kids the whole time for running ahead and not looking before they cross the street...so much that my neighbors think that I ma a crazy lunatic...maybe I am i don't know...I yell at the dog because she has to stop and sniff every damn thing on the ground...really....just WALK ....

This is my life...like I said go back to school...and I don;t care if you people think I am mean if you have kids you are raising your arms up in victory over the fact that it is like only one more month and if you don't kids then you have lost the right ot judge me until you push a ten pound alien from your body....PEACE OUT!!!!

1 comment:

Kath said...

I will never wonder why you are a tad grouchy at work ever again! I would be totally insane dealing with two kids. I can deal with bureaucrats, crazy friends, and my even crazier guy but kids are beyond me! Bless you my friend! Now where's that margarita? LOL- hold it for next week!