Early Mornings SUCK!!!!

Mom...Mommy...Mama..Mommer...Michelle Michelle....Ma Ma MA MOMMY!!!! MOMMY!!!!!!........WHAT DO YOU WANT.....I love you Mom.....and this is my 5 year old....What the hell is wrong with kids...they are so weird...the have no clue what it means to sleep in. My son was up at 5:45 am today, clearly he has no conception of the fact that it is Sunday morning. He woke up so full of energy ready face the world...the only problem was THAT THE WORLD WAS STILL ASLEEP CUZ IT'S SUNDAY MORNING....

He comes into my room and I am dead asleep...He sticks his little face as close as he possibly can to mine without actually touching it and proceeds to do what he calls a whisper, but what any normal human being would call a low growl....MOM can we go downstairs? Now any normal person who doesn't have kids if woken up that way from a dead sleep would automatically freak the fuck out right...they would sit up, probably be like what the fuck or maybe even start swinging cuz they would think some insane midget broke into their house and is now waking them up....Any parent that gets woken up in this fashion on a regular basis just immediately starts to cry and whine because they no this is no joke...You are about to embark on the rest of your day...HE IS AWAKE!!! there is no turning back...it doesn't matter to him what the clock says....no you may be able to appease him for a bit...tell him to go play in his room for awhile or turn on the tv in your room for awhile...but what's the point really you will never find that deep sleep again....the only hope that you have is that he doesn't wake up the other kids in your house...cuz that would be awful..My daughter if woken up before she has had enough sleep is just plain miserable for the rest of the day...So you strap a set on, get on of bed, and go downstairs with this little person who is smiling from ear to ear and all you can think of is how can I kill him so that I can go back to bed...LOL well maybe not that drastic but you get the idea...

Anyway, my son also really enjoys public restrooms...I think that I have seen the inside of every public bathroom on the North Shore. It doesn't matter how many times that I ask him before we leave the house if he has to go potty, which by the way he never does of course. For as soon as we reach our destination he immediately grabs his privates, buckles at the knees and is about to literally pee his pants. I have to physically pick him up around the waist throw him over my shoulder and run for the nearest bathroom, which by the way is always at the very back of the store....why I have no fucking clue..maybe the architect never had kids...so I run for the bathroom...anyone who has ever been in a public restroom knows that they all smell like absolute piss....no way around it, completely fucking disgusting beyond any smell that has ever resinated your nose.. So I get him into the stall and proceed to tell DO NOT TOUCH ANYTHING....ok Mommy I won't and he goes potty with a hugh sigh of relief...I get him all cleaned up and help him with his pants...then I turn my back for 10 seconds to flush the toilet with my foot because again DO NOT TOUCH ANYTHING....as I turn back around I see my precious son on his hands and knees still in the stall mind you sticking his head under the next stall peeking on the lady going the bathroom...first of all I scream not because he is peeking on a lady who the hell cares about that, but because OMG HE IS ON THE FLOOR OF A PUBLIC BATHROOM...how the hell am I going to sanitize his entire body, it's just simply horrifying....I scream at him to get up, which scares the crap out of him and he immediately starts to cry....great now I have a germ infested screaming 5 years old in a public bathroom who probably just contracted VD or some other rare disease....FML....and all that I wanted to do was shop around Target for a bit...Really who's idea was this whole kid thing anyway??? and just for the record when do these little people actually figure out how to wipe their own asses....if I was to let my son wipe his own butt I would have shit all over the bathroom, I thought that when the diapers were off they were on their own, why do I have to teach him how to wipe, isn't that something that one just automatically knows how to do? c'mon man so friggin gross....

So now don't get me wrong totally love my son,,,but for the love of god somebody please teach him how to tell time...o wait that's my job right....great just great!!!

Peace.....