So I went to a friends 40th birthday party recently....everyone was saying Happy Birthday to him and how good he looks and blah! blah! blah! Now don't get me wrong the guy does not look old....but it got me to thinking what the hell does 40 look like anyway? I have heard people say that 40 is the new 20, well what the fuck does that mean? Does that mean that when I turn 40 I can just tell people that I am 20 and they will totally believe me? Ummm probably not!!! With my impending 40th a few months down the road, I have taken sometime to take stock in my appearance, and the appearance of people who are my age..and guess what none of us look 20...sorry!!! So that whole line is simply a crock of shit made up by some 40 year old chick who was trying to make herself feel good about her age...
And 40 is middle age...are you friggin kidding me? I am middle aged well when the hell did that happen anyway... and once I turn 40 what the hell do I have to look forward dying? Really having grandkids? no offence but I don't really even like kids why would I want to take care of my kids kids? Oh wait because that's what old people do...
I love when people come into the bar where I work and you are having a conversation with them and they suddenly say how old are you? Well screw you to....why do you need to know my age? Do i ask you what friggin color underwear you have one? So I tell them that I am 39 and they proceed to say OMG you don't look 39 at all...I thought that you were like 25....I mean c'mon who the hell do you think that you are kidding? I don't look 39 to you because you are probably in you 20's and you are still an idiot...or maybe you just said what everyone says wow you look great for your age or wow you don't look your age?
You know what cracks me up to...is when people say I have laugh lines...no you friggin don't you have WRINKLES....Laugh lines really beacause you laughed so much in your 40 years on the planet that you creased you face....what did someone tap you on the back and your face froze like that....ha ha dumbass you have wrinkles...or the chicks that go out and get a boob lift? boob life really why? so that they can stand at attention for all of the sex that you will having in your 60's? now granted if I could get a tummy tuck without the pain then I might consider it....and what about the flabby skin under you upper arm...that just sucks!!! I mean what the hell is that anyway? It's the skin that when you have your arm in the car window and are feeling pretty good about yourself and all of a sudden you catch a glimpse of the friggin thing flapping backforth in the wind like a fucking kite and then you realize holy shit that's my arm...that's why old chicks don't dance with their arms over their heads anymore and they keep them down by their sides bent at the elbow...arm fat is just friggin gross man!!!
Well at least I can smile knowing that any age that I turn my cousin will turn first...so I can take great pleasure in torturing her for a whole year before my birthday comes....
peace baby....
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