cookout season is upon us.....as everyone is getting ready to attend one of the many cookouts that they will probably go to this summer it is necessary to remember that while you are chomping down your third hotdog of the day that your ass is expanding nicely.... I mean why does all cookout food have to be so unhealthy. Let's take your average potato salad...boiled potatoes (hmm not so bad right), then we add some onions,(still ok) then some people like to add a little bit of egg(still not bad for you) and then at the last second someone thought to themselves how can I make this potato salad become probably the most fattening thing at the party oh wait I know let me get the jar of hellmann's out....Mayonaise!!! that's right folks a heartattack in a jar... at about 23 grams of fat per tablespoon let me just lather up those potatoes baby....so we slather on about half of the jar oh baby....potato salad is ready...
Next let's talk about the grill shall we? Every guy that works the grill at a cookout has a certain sense of authority or manhood if you will...everyone at the cookout looks to him as to when all of those greasy hamburgers will be ready...and he waves around his spatula like a king holding court...hey you want cheese of yours..you got it baby and how about you cutie you want yours well done...no problem... Also it is essential to crame as much dead animal as one can get on the grill at one time....the burgers over lap the chicken which touches the steak tips and o gosh let's not forget the rolled up pig that is stuffed into a thin layer of natural casing? Really natural casing and what exactly is that? nah nevermind I think that I will pass....and when the grill guys states that the burgers are ready...the excitement amongst the party goers is uncontainable...they are pretty much high fiving the grill guy who has retreated from his station with his spatula neatly tucked into his belt....thinking I done good!!!
Let's not forget the one person who brought the fruit salad....YAY for them...only guess what in all of the excitement the host or hostess if you will has forgotten to put it out....so by the time you realize that you could've had some fruit instead of that heaping pile of potato chips it is too late....your face is just waiting to bust out with about 27 pimples due to all of the grease that you have consumed...I mean it's gotta come out somewhere so why not the tip of your nose in the form of the biggest white head pimple that you have ever had the pleasure of meeting...I know gross right!!
O and if you happen to arrive late to the cookout after the grilling has already been done...you are fucked man...and here's why.. because guess what anything that has not been eaten and placed on the platter on a picnic table in the sun...is probably not something that you want to put into your mouth...also considering that at least two flies have probably landed on it and we all know that everytime a fly lands on something it pukes...so yes I want to eat that...ummm no thanks I will pass...
so as you pass the food table at a cookout I implore you....as your friend think about what exactly that you are putting in your mouth...think about how long it has been sitting there and what exactly is in it to begin with....and whether or not on a normal day you would actually eat that or just simply stick it your ass...Happy Cookout Day everybody!!!
Peace to all of the Soldiers....
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