Everybody has a story about the Blizzard of 1978, here is mine. I was 7 years old and living on Lynn Shore Drive, 35 Lynnway to be exact. My mother & I lived on the first floor of a two family house and my grandparents lived upstairs. The day started out a little odd for me, I woke up on Tuesday morning and I wasn't feeling well. My Mom had already left for work, so my Grampie decided that it would be best if I stayed home. I remember watching the news sitting in the middle room of my Grandparents house. The middle room was where my Grandmother had her hospital bed. She had MS and was bedridden. I was sitting in my Grampie's big black leather recliner that he slept in most of the time to be close to my Nana. I was wrapped up in a big blanket and I was extremely itchy, but I hadn't told anybody that part yet. My Grampie and I were watching Harvey Leonard on channel 5, he was predicting a huge snow storm while every other metrologist said we would only get 3 inches. My Mom was a day care driver. She used her car to drive kids from their homes or school to their daycare providers house and vice versa. Anyway my Grampie had called and told her that he kept me home from school that day and she wasn not that happy. But as it turns out it was a good idea because not only was I not feeling well but I also had the chicken pox. At about noon time, I remeber my Grandfather telling me that they were dismissing the kids from school anyway because the snow was getting bad. Nobody was prepared for what was to come. We couldn't have been, there was just no way to anticipate the devastation that would follow this Blizzard for a lot of people, and my family especially.

Soon after 5:00PM, we lost power. We spent the majority of the night huddled together under blankets with my mother singing "Silent Night" in her not so good voice. I am definitley not a fan of that song anymore. We had a closed in porch on the second floor that we could see the beach from. We stood out there and we watched the waves as they crashed into the ocean wall. Somewhere between 5:00 and 8:00pm was high tide and those waves completely tore through the ocean wall and came spilling onto the Lynnway. We watched as the waters rose and got closer and closer to our house. We had 7 feet of ocean water in front of our house. We could hear of furniture slamming around into the walls in our apartment below. Our house was attached to a Richdale store and we could hear the freezer cases floating around and banging into the side walls of our house. We watched out the windows of the porch and we saw men swimming by. When they saw our lights on the came to our house to cathc their breath. They were fire fighters who were swimming in the freezing ocean waters to help people that were stranded. Thus began my love of firemen. My Mom made them coffee and gave them warm blankets and they didn't forget about us. Hours later when the ocean water kept rising higher and higher, my Mom and my Grampie realized that it wasn't going to be safe for us to stay at our house anymore. But my Nana couldn't very well get up and walk out of the house, nor could we because the ocean was blocking our way. That's when the calvary aka the Lynn Fire Depatment, who never forgot about us showed up in front of our house in an amphibus boat. It was a boat that could drive on water as well as land. They carried my Nana out of our house on a stretcher and brought her on the boat. My Mom, my Grampie, and me with the chicken pox and my doll Jenny left on the same boat. Never to ever live in that house again.

We had no where to go. My Grandmother had to be taken to Lynn Hospital, where thankfully they kept her safe. My Mom called my Aunt Sue and told her what happened and she didn't even hestiate when she took us in. The firemen brought us to Rogers Ave in Lynn. When we got to her house with nothing but the clothes on our back, we had to pass through a tiny tunnel that my Uncle Freddie had dug out. To me this was the best day ever! I was 7 yeard old, I was going to live with my cousins. I had no idea that my Mom had just lost everything. Her car that she used for her job. Her apartment with all of our furniture and clothes. We had nothing and to a single parent that is truly devestating.

I remember waking up the next day and there was so much snow. 27 to 28 inches of snow to be exact. That's crazy considering that only one metreologist predicted more than 3 inches. We could look out the 2nd story windows and touch the snow banks. I remember that my Aunt Judi walked all the to Rogers Ave pulling my cousin Dena on a sled to make sure that we were alright. It took days for people to actually be able to drive on the streets. When we could drive my Aunt Judi took us to our house on the Lynnway. We have pictures of my cousin and I standing what looked like a huge snow bank, but in reality was my mother's car. I remember seeing my Mom cry and I remember that reality was finally setting in for us.

Months went by and we continued to stay with my Aunt and Uncle. My Nana stayed in the hospital. Then things finally started to look up. My Mother's friend Millie helped us to get elderly housing for my grandparents through her Mom. Her Mom was on the school committee in Lynn and pulled some strings to help us. My Aunt Sue's sister in law Mary(RIP) got my Mom a job at West Lynn Creamery as a customer service representative. That is now Garleick Farms in Lynn and 35 years later my Mom still works there. My got a new apartment on Rogers Ave. Crazy at it may seem, but it was an apartment that my cousin Dena had lived in years before we did. I remember it had the biggest bathroom that I had ever seen. I started school at Cobbett Elementary, going to school with my cousins from Rogers Ave.

Needless to say the Blizzard of 1978 altered my life and definitley my Mom's life forever. Hindsight, I would say things definitely happen for a reason. Like that was the first time that my Grampie kept me home from school without talking to my mom. If not I would've had to walk home by myself in a blizzard. Also my Mom got a new job that gave her stability, benefits and a pension. It's weird the things that you remember, like the smell of the ocean in front of my house or the taste of the salt in my mouth when we were driving in that boat. Being wrapped in a yellow blanket and holding tight to my doll that I still have to this day.

I would love to hear your story. Peace out and Happy Blizzard 2013.

just my thoughts...

Well, I have tried to wrap my head around this recent tradegy in Connecticut and I simply can not do it. As a Mother, as a human being, it is just unfathomable to me that a person could harm a child with such malice and intent. I know that we hear about child abuse everyday, but this simply put is to much for the human soul to bear. I don't understand and I hope, God willing that I never have to, learn how to come to terms with this? When you look into the eyes of a child, their is such innocence and joy in their eyes, that as a parent or even just as an adult makes you wish that you could capture that again somehow for yourself. As a parent, we try to shield that innocence for as long as we can. Because to loose that means that we have to let go of some control over our children and we have to let them see the nasty, awful things that happen in this world.

As a Mom of a 7 and an 11 year old, I try to fill their days with the things that make them happy, as does any good parent. I feel angry that I have had to explain what happen to these babies to them. Because they are babies, they will never experience life as we know it. I feel infuriated that they have to teach my baby what to do in case some, and for lack of a better word, "crazy" person enters their school. I say for lack of a better word because I don't think that people who have disablities are neccessarily crazy. I think that they need a caring loving person to carry them through life and help them make healthy choices that a "normal" person takes for granted. I don't think that this beast was at all disable, he could only be evil in it's worst form.

I am not an advocate for gun control, but I can see the arguement that people put forth regarding it. How on this Earth, in this day and age of such mass violence, could a person acquire not one, but four guns. Not just guns, guns that are made specifically to kill. There has to be a better solution, I just don't think that when our Founding Fathers gave people the right to bear arms, they could forsee the type of society that we live in now. I am a firm believer in the Constitution of the United States and The Declaration of Independence, but I think society has chosen a different path in some cases and that someone needs to revisit these ideals.

I am not a religious person, but I find it hard to not pray to God for the souls of these babies and the people who gave their lives to try and save them. They put themselves in the line of fire because as a human being, another option never entered their minds. I pray for the first responders, who had put themselves in that classroom and try to simply do their job. How? How can anyone be expected to disassociate themselves from such evil and try to figure out what happened. I pray for those children who had to listen to the gun shots, that they can somehow lead normal, healthy lives. I pray for the families of the victims, that they can find peace. I pray for humanity that we find redemption and humility. I wonder after centuries when the human race will finally get it right. I want a better society for my children than this.

It's your turn dammit.... 10 years ago, I started working at little sports bar in Salem. It was one of the best decisions that I have ever made. Never did I think that 10 years later I would still be slinging drinks behind the bar. I have had the opportunity to meet some really amazing people along the way. Some people that I am honored to say have become some of my very best friends. There are also those people that you stop and say "Jesus, it's going to be a long ass night" Luckily for me, they are few and far between.

With that said, I would like to tell you about a certain family that I have had the pleasure to meet. I don't even recall the first time that I met them, but they have had a lasting effect on how I view the people around me. I used to hear stories about people who were effected by tragic things and think that's so awful. I would think about them and then sad to say get busy with the many things in life that overwhelm you on a day to day basis. Taking care of the kids, food shopping, going to work etc. Then I met The McKinnons, they taught me that we need to stop and not only say "wow that's an awful tragedy", but "how can we help?" Melanie McKinnon has given up so much of her time to help the people in Salem and the surrounding communities. She and her family have given up hours of their lives to make other people's lives a little bit better. From Turkey drives, in which her and her family collect and distribute turkey dinners for many people who otherwise would never have anything to eat on Thanksgiving, to collecting old prom dressses from her friends and giving them away to girls who would otherwise not ever be able to afford a dress for their prom. These are just minimal examples of the things that she does for total strangers. Not to make herself feel better, but for the need pay it forward just a little bit.

The McKinnons and I share a commonality. My Mom struggles with MS similiar to Melanie's sister Katie. MS is a terrible disease. MS not only causes people to loose the feeling and the use of their limbs, but it also effects your vision and hearing and so many other parts of your body. Proper medications can stop more liasons from erupting in the brain. Melanie has held countless benefits to support the MS society and in recent years I have been honored to help out on a small scale. I think that she does this in hopes that someday all of the money raised will help find a cure for MS.

The McKinnon's are not a rich family. They are just like all of us except when most of us stop at "wow that's awful" they go that extra step and they do something to help. Katie, who lives in Las Vegas with her 5 children and her husband, has hit rock bottom financially. This is a woman, who I don't know personaly, but I have great admiration for. Life has handed her some pretty bad situations and she has prevailed through them. She has stopped taking her medication because she can no longer afford to pay for it. This to me is unacceptable. For a family that has deicated so much of their time in raising money for MS to have their own daughter now be denied the medication that she needs to survive just sounds absurd to me. The McKinnons are trying to move Katie and her family home to Massachusetts to help her. But this costs money something which we all know to well is not easy to come by. But I think it may be time for someone else to pay it forward to a family that is always there for Salem.

We are holding a benefit for Katie at the AOH on Washington Street in Salem this Saturday night, Septmeber 22nd. It starts at 7:00pm We have a dj, food and tons of raffles. The tickets are $20.00 at the door or you can prepurchse them at Sidelines tonight or Salem Liquors on Canal Street. When you are deciding what your plans should for Saturday night. Instead of going out and spending $20.00 bucks on nothing you will remember in a week, why not come spend that money at the benefit and help a friend. It's your turn to pay it forward. See you there!!!

Peace out!!!

So where do you want to start? Well the last couple of blogs that I have written have been channeling my inner self. A cleansing if you will, but I am over that so strap yourself in, it may get a little bumpy. I got sick recently, not deathly ill don't worry, just a bout of strep throat. Which by the way, I found out that if you get type A strep as an adult it can have terminal effects on your heart. This little tidebit of information was given to me by an er nurse while I was waiting for my test results. She must have seen the panic on my face because she added "o but seldom do people get type a strep" Really you are fucking er nurse why the hell would you ever say that to someone. Remind me never to go to that er if I truely feel that I am dying. Anyway impending summer clothes, I get sick can't eat for days because my throat feels like someone just ripped through it with the tynes of a fork, and my first thought is well at least I will loose a few pounds. Guys reading this are mostly saying thats effed up, but the women know!!! Getting a slight illness right before the outslaught of wearing pretty much no clothes for 3 or 4 months is never a bad a thing. Gives you that jump start that you need. So here we are again with the whole dieting thing, which by the way is a total waste of time unless you plan on working out. But with my phobia of gross people sweating near me, I would say that I probably won't be visiting a gym anytime soon. So starvation it is!!!

It blows my mind when people say oooo can't wait to workout. I mean I understand the whole it makes you feel great because when I do workout I do feel great. But I never say OMG can't wait to go to the gym. No nope, I can think of about 27 million other places that I would rather be, then standing next to some jacked up muscle head who is lifting way more weight over his head than any one person should be able to or rather want to for that matter. Why do you have to lift 450 pounds over your head? What purpose will that serve you in life? O I know you are out at party and you want to impress some chick so you start bench pressing her friends? And really guys the whole vein popping out of your skin thing when you flex is just plain gross!!! To all of you chicks that body build also, I am sorry I would rather have an extra little weight on my body than a man's chest and grotseque looking legs. Nope I won't be winning any weight lifting contests.

So with that said I am back in those skinny jeans that I thought I should just burn rather than try on ever again. So with a little will power and whole lot of keeping my big mouth shut around food, I may just be able to put that bathing suit back on this year. In the privacy of my own home of course never out in any type of public place, for that would be scary. But for those of you who know me, know that I can't resit choclate or nacho chips so FML....I will be kissing those effing jeans good bye in no time....quick somebody cough on me please!!!

Footprints.....

Footprints....to some people they are just what they mean. You step and your shoe leaves a mark in the ground until something comes to wash it away. To others, footprints are the imprints that we leave as we step forward on our journey. What does that mean exactly? Historically speaking many people have left footprints that show you the way...such as our founding fathers, religious leaders and our parents. Other people leave footprints that inspire your creativity, those people are the ones who make you stop and really listen to their message. Sometimes it's hidden in song or some times it's just thoughts or ideas that ignite a feeling inside people. Have you ever read a quote anywhere that makes you stop and think "wow, I really understand the meaning behind that" For some people that same quote means nothing it's just words on a page. It's all where you are at in your life.

For me, I have had many footprints as I think that most people do throughout their lives. They take different paths, some lead to dead ends, others are long and winding roads that we simply continue pushing forward on. I have a great friend, who told me once that in our lifetime we lead many different lives. As children, we look to our parents to find the path and we follow their footprints along their road. When we become teenagers, we branch out on our own, test the road a little bit if you will, sometimes it leads us on a very different journey, other times we rush back to the safety of our parents path. We make a million friends, explore our style, and simply wonder about the future.

When we become twenty somethings thats when we try to find our way on our own...question who we are in life and where do we want to be. We experiment with love and we learn about heartbreak. Making the big decisions with really no idea what lies ahead. Sometimes following the easy path that is expected of us and sometimes jumping off the path and running in the sand. But by the end of our twenties, most people know for the most part in what direction they want their lives to lead them. Not always the right decisions but they are willing to give it a try. But still holding on to the tiniest of strings that their parents have left dangling for them as security just in case.

When you enter your thirties, you have a pretty good idea of who you are...it may not be who expected, but it's you all the same. We figure out the true meaning of a friend and we lessen the amount of people in which we surround ourselves with. Sometimes our path narrows and we hold fast to the footprints that we left behind. For those footprints are the memories of a carefree person, who looked ahead with anticipation and excitement. In your thirties, you usually become comfortable with the outward beauty and the things about your appearance that made you cringe in your teens and twenties. You learn to embrace all that make you unique and find yourself letting go of insecurites of what others may think of you. It's this time in your life that most people choose to have children and we become the leader on the path rather than the explorer. Our children tread in our footprints, they look to us for direction and comfort.

As I enter my forties, I find myself looking ahead again. Feeling excitement and curiousity about the path ahead. Not for me as much as for my children. I often find myself wondering at what point in their lives will they start to embark on their road, will they take the journey through life as I have or will they carve out a new path in the sand? I hope that they choose, in the words of Robert Frost " the path less traveled by". I am excited to see the people in which they will become....peace

Things That Make Me Smile/Laugh.....tell me what makes you smile...

Here are a few things that make me laugh or smile.....some may seem mean but you will have to admit that they are also funny.... .....a hot cup of coffee first thing in the morning ....a warm hot sunny summer day ....a hug from my kids ....doggie kisses ....flip flops ....a great movie wrapped in a warm fuzzy blanket ....a kayak ride on the lake ....toasting marshmellows ....late night conversations with great friends ....when somebody trips or falls ....fresh flowers ....a great tasting drink that I made ....sarcasism ....listening to Jerry ....a million stars ....someone who tips well ....when someone gets pissed at me in traffic ....silence ....noise ....presents wrapped in the comics ....sunflowers ....hand made cards ....warm cookies right out of the oven ....a great glass of pinot nior ....an ice cold beer of a hot day ....the finished product ....watching my daughter dance when she thinks I am not looking ....looking at old pictures ....hearing the same funny stories from my friends over and over again ....a person who has the courage to sing in public ....tailgatng at Buffett ....going to a Bruins game ....tiolet paper stuck to the bottom of someones shoe ....a great tan ....idiots who come into my bar ....a beautiful kiss ....weddings ....driving with all of the windows open ....the smell of the beach ....chocloate chip ice cream ....my minnie mouse coffee mug ....my bottle opener ....a great fitting pair of jeans ....greasy breakfast after a night of drinking ....hearing my son laugh ....looking back ....looking forward ....surprise visits from friends ....packages in the mail ....turning the music up to full volume ....dancing like nobody's watching ....holding a new baby for the first time ....and a great book.....

EPIC......

Warning this is not the same blog that I usually write...ok proceed with caution...I started using Pinterest and it's a very interesting social network. It is a collection of things such as recipes, photographs, DIY crafts, household things. What happens is that you view things that other people post or that you post yourself and you apply them to your pin boards. Pin boards are you personal collection of things that you find that reflect your style in some way or just things that you may like to try. Very interesting shit....anyway I came across pin and it read simply the word "EPIC" At first I was like what the hell is that supposed to mean anyway. But it caught my eye and I repinned it to my board under the heading "inspiring". I am not sure why I thought it was inspiring, but it really didn't fit anywhere else on my space.....

Everytime that I have opened my pinboard in the last week, my eye immediately went to that one word "epic". I have been trying to find a place or a use for it in my life. As I was thinking about it, it finally came to me. Epic...it's a moment, a profound space in time that makes you stop and hold your breath for just a second, and say so that's what it's all about huh? As I defined the word in my mind it became a chance for me to reflect on my "EPIC" moments. You know how when people explain to you, that they had a so called a "near death experience" and their life flashed before their eyes. Well the flashes are those epic moments that stand out as being how they define who they are. I stopped to think what things have I accomplished that at the end of the day, when all is said and done, will flash before my eyes when my time is up. What were my EPIC moments.....

I came up with a few in no particular order, The day that my cousin came home from Florida, The day that my brother came home. When my grandfather died, The day that my Mom found out that she had MS. one late night conversation with my Mom, the birth of my children, my wedding day, a conversation with my husbands grandfather right before he passed, feeding my precious new baby on 9/11 as I watched a country change before my eyes, my babies walking for the first time, my god son asking me to be his godmother, and most recently the death of my dog, Jetta. These are just a few of the flashes that I will have, my Epic Moments. As my children grow, I am sure that I will have so many more life defining moments as I watch them grow..what are your EPIC moments.... PEACE OUT.....

WTF IS WORNG WITH YOU!!!

A friend posted a bumper sticker on facebook... It said "I sometimes wish that I could grab people and shake them and say WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU!!!!!" I am pretty sure that I live most of my days with this saying in my head. It amazes how friggin stupid people can be, that's not to say that I am the smartest person in the world, but a little friggin common sense please. Here is a perfect example, I drive a big ass flipping truck, yet for some reason people still choose to cut me off. Really why would you pull out in front of me with your Volkswagon bug and then proceed to slow down to 5 miles per hour? I don't get it, I sometimes wish that I could simply smash my truck into the back of their car and yell out the window "hey jackass, that's what you get for being an idiot"

I also fully enjoy the moron that comes into the bar where I work and asks me on a Tuesday night, "hey do you guys sell chicken wings?" When I tell them no we don't have anymore tonight, and they look at me like "omg I can't believe that you ran out"....really are you an asshole, it's Tuesday night at Sidelines, of course we have chicken wings, unless you live under a flipping rock in Salem everyone knows that.

It's also most enjoyable when you get a phone call from a telemarketer and they pronounce your name wrong. Are you effing serious? First of all, my name is only 5 letters, how can you not sound it out. Second of all if you are going to interrrupt my day to sell me a years subscription to friggin "Better Homes & Gardens" then you had better take the time to figure out how to say my god damn last name before you call me. Not to mention who the hell wants to read that stupid magazines anyway. Yes please send me your magazine about all of the houses that I could live in. You know all of those really big, amazing kitchens that I will never cook in, yes I love to look at them.

I also enjoy the people that speak to you about things that are so irrevelent, sometimes I want to just look at them and say excuse me will you please shut the fuck up. I mean just stop talking because I am having a hard time listening to you. I had a girlfriend that I tended bar with a few years ago, hysterical person. Everytime we worked together we just laughed. Anyway I remember one night working with her and this absolute idiot is sitting there and just chewing her ear off. I remember looking at her saying to myself I can't believe that she is actually paying attention to this story, because I was bored after the first sentence. So when the guy stops talking, he asks her what do you think? She looks at him with the a very serious face and she yells "CUT, could we please try that again because I wasn't fucking listening" I think that if I had a sip of water in my mouth, I would have spit it all over the bar. The guy looked at her, laughed a little bit and ordered another drink.

Or the person that talks to you while you are clearly reading a book. Let me let you in on a little secret ok....if I am reading a book chances are that I DON'T WANT TO FUCKING TALK TO YOU!!!" The more that you ask me questions the more that I want to yell please "SHUT THE FUCK UP" Same goes for when I am watching tv, which is a very rare occurance, if I tell you I can't wait to watch this show, why the fuck would you start a conversation with me in the middle of it? I can't hear it then, all I can hear is blah blah blah...please BE QUIET!!!

Or you go to the groicery store and you clearly put up your cloth recylceble bags and the dumbass at the register takes the bags and hands them to the bagger who proceeds to ask you paper or plastic....ARE YOU EFFING KIDDING ME? Nothing...Nothing at all.. just throw all the figgin groceries back into the cart and I will do it myself because clearly you are an idiot. I don't like you either!!

So like the quote goes if you are near me and IO suddenly grab you and begin to shake you...it's because you are an idiot! I am not the smartest person in the world, and clearly I do appreciate sacasism. So if you are going approach me with a question that you may think is dumb, please don't bother to open yourself up to the answer that you may get. Chances are I am going to snap back with some comment that you if you don't get will just make you look like an idiot and if you do get it will piss you off. So I apologize in advance, but I just can't help myself. Consider yourself for warned!!!

Peace!!!

I don't really know where I am going with this blog, but I feel the need to write one because it has been a while. So my month of December started out insanely crazy. My daughters cheering team won the right to cheer at Nationals in Disney. How exciting!!! The girls did awesome, but I gotta tell you, Disney has a god damn racket going. Nationals yup, fly to Florida three weeks before Christmas and spend your life's savings on airfare, car rental, hotel, o and don't forget the Mickey Ears. Park passes and all of the crap that goes along with it. Then you get into the park and guess what you need to buy an ass load useless shit that you will never use except the next time that you visit Disney World. So these "Mouse gestapos" get you to a theme park in the middle of the "I'm going to kill myself trying to shop for Christmas season" for a proud moment of watching your daughter run through those giant Mickey ears and then they tell you that will be $652.00 for the video and the pictures being that you are so caught up in the moment, you say "omg I def have to buy all of that"

Any person male or female who dares to argue the point with me that cheering is not a sport, is clearly an idiot!!! These little girls do shit that I can not believe is possible at my age let alone their age. They flip and tumble and dance and lift chicks over their heads that are in some cases equal in body weight to themselves all while smiling and talking at the same time. They can hold a girl up over their heads and walk around with her in the air. My daughter has come home with stories of practices where she has been stepped on in the face, kicked, knocked over, and had her head stepped on all to keep her flyer from falling and hitting the mat. They practice three to four times a week and guess what you could not keep up with their work out. I know that I couldn't....These little girls rock the shit out on that mat and they dance and cheer the hell out of it. Anyone dare say to me that it isn't a sport and I will personally kick your ass. They build shit out of their bodies and throw girls that are the same weight as them over their heads, and o yeah and they catch them. Big deal you can shoot a basket threw a hoop, can you balance in the hands of two girls on one leg and lift your other leg over your head and hold it with your hand. I think not!!!!

Cheering is definitely a spector sport as well. Everyone in the stands dresses in their team colors and screams at the top of their lungs when their girl comes out on the mat. As you sit watching them you tend to forget that they are only 10 years old. O and their are some nasty rivalarys let me tell you. The coaches all play nicey-nicey...but the parents watchout!!! God forbid a rival team sits next our Moms in the stands. It becomes a competition as to who will cheer louder for their girls. And for chrsitsake, if by some awful twist of fate your team has a bad day on the mate and your rival is sitting next to you in the stands....let me say that if we weren't all civilized Moms, fists would be flying...yup cheering is some nasty shit. If you think going to a Bruins, Celtics, Pats, Sox game is nuts, than let me just tell you are sadly mistaken.

Cheering is a whole new world. I learned this three years ago at my first competition when I heard the Moms from other teams talking about how excited they were that such and such dropped a stunt. By dropping a stunt, I mean that a 10 year old girl fell from the shoulders or hands of her team mates and hit the mat below her. Yup I couldn't believe it either until three years later, there I was sitting in the stands saying to myself, Jesus Christ, I hope that they drop a damn stunt. That's when I realized shit, I am a Cheer Mom, no mercy for the weak man. I sit in those stands with my Blue and White proudly, staring down anyone who dares to look at me crossed eyed.

I will say this, I got to experience Disney with a bunch of crazy-fun and just plain awesome people. These women and you know who you are...are all friggin insane. It becomes somewhat of a cult, I must say. When the season ends everyone has withdrawls because it is so intense throughout the year. Now with that said, I will say it is intense for the Moms in a sick toddlers and tiaras kind of way. Because the girls, they are just having fun at their sport with their BFF's, heads tilted, hands in the shape of a heart.

And don't think that the Dads don't get into it as well. I have seen grown men running around arenas with painted faces and poms poms cheering for their girls. I saw one guy in a full nylon body suit with his head and face covered dancing in the stands. I guess if yo have only girls and they are cheerleaders, you have to work with it. These guys also wear all of the bling as well, baseball hats decked out in rhinestones that say cheer on the front. Nothing is to cool for them.

When the competition is over that is when the real tension occurs....every team that has competed is paraded out onto the mat. The girls all dance like crazy people to their favorite songs while the judges deliberate. The whole thing is just mind boggling...then the announce the winners and if you don't hear your team called, you know that is it going to be a long ass ride home from wherever you are. Because girls are emotional and they don't hold back. Especially cheerleaders...full on drama. Granted it sucks not to win, but hell it's damn amazing to be there in the first place.

Peace!!!

Where's My God Damn Money!!!

So I got up this morning and went through the normal routine of getting the kids up dressed and off to school. It is always an event....not the sweet loving atmosphere you would hope for, but the for christsake why does it take a ten year old 20 minutes to take a shower and no you can't wear you flip fops to school it's 40 degrees outside. What do you want for lunch...I don't know surprise me. Ugh really just tell me what the hell you want to eat for the love of god. And please when I check on you in the shower and ask if you washed you hair don't lie and tell me that you did when I can clearly see your hair is not even remotely wet. I also very much enjoy asking my son if he brushed his teeth. His response is yes mom I brushed my teeth and it annoys me to no end to have ask hey did you put toothpaste on the toothbrush? As he gets pissed off at me and turns around to walk back upstairs yelling well you didn't tell me to use toothpaste...OMFG really? Anyway after and hour of torturing myself and my family I finally get everyone out of the house and off to school. I drag my lazy ass off to the gym where I do my stupid workout that after a weekend of eating whatever I want and drinking enough beer for a small elephant to stay hydrated I think.... is this really worth it. But alas I push through it. As I am comtemplating what to do next go home and clean the house or take a nap before work I realize that Jesus Christ I really don't want to have to work anymore. I mean I love my job, but I really think that I am supposed to be rich. Somewhere along the lines I fucked up and missed my opportunity at the big pay off. Because as far as I can tell.... is this really the whole thing? I mean how come some people get to have more money than God and others have nothing. Now I am living very comfortably don't get me wrong but for crying out loud...in the words of Cuba Gooding Jr 'SHOW ME THE EFFING MONEY" I am not just talking about a few extra bucks weekly, I want to be so flithy god damn rich that my net worth is higher than Oprahs. Now don't give me the stupid speech oh work really hard and you will get rewarded because that's bullshit. I have worked hard my whole life and guess what the trips to Hawaii are few and far between...actually they are nonexistant. How come Oprah gets to have millions...I mean c'mon she is a talk show host, who got lucky...and by the way while we are talking Opie... where the hell is my car? You give out all of these effing cars to people and I watched your show for 20 years I never got invited to your Favorite things show. Screw you lady!! Now I know I sound a little bit bitter but hey this is my blog and I could care less. Let's not forget about the next generation of people who are millionaires....the ones who belong to the lucky sperm club. You know the Paris Hilton's who never had to lift a finger to actually work but will live off of what their parents did for generations to come. Oh and who won't appreciate anything because they feel that they are entitled to it. We are such a lucky nation to have these kids coming of age. And Americans' wonder why they are not loved by all of the other countries um have you met the Jackson kids, millionaires fucked up for life. Like many Americans I play the lottery and I often sit and wonder if I hit the big jackpot what would I do with all of that money. Well I can tell you what I wouldn't do, I def wouldn't be working anymore. I mean how stupid are those people who finally strike it rich and they keep their jobs, are you joking? Why would you feel the need to continue to work clearly you didn't deserve my money so i will just take it off of your hands Jackass. I mean you are potato farmer for Christ sakes who drove your tractor to the local store and bought a lottery ticket, you are an idiot, yet now you have more money than the ruler of the free world. I feel very safe knowing that you will be returning to work in the morning and not spending a dime of it because "gosh what would I do with all of that money?" Here's a fucking thought don't buy a god damn ticket if you aren't going to spend any of it, cause guess what some of us would actually enjoy living life to the fullest with all of that money. And I hate those people who say "well I am so happy that the money didn't change them" are you flipping kidding me? It didn't change them because they were idiots to begin with and now they are rich idiots. Give me the god damn cash I will let it change me...that's why I play the lottery....so I can win and do things that I could only dream about doing someday...not so I can continue to pick potatoes in rural Idaho. Here's a thought get your teeth fixed freak. Did you ever notice that everyone who wins the lottery has effed up teeth? And they look like they just got punched in the face or rolled out of bed. I mean buy a brush that's what you can do with your money. Help out the people in your town get educated beyond the 3rd grade. Or how about those people who get rich by inventing shit....like the jibitz lady. A mom from no where usa takes a cuff link and hot glues something cute to the top of it and sticks to her kids croc. Well it just so happens that Ray Croc himself notices this kid on a playground and asks about the jibitz. He contacts the stay at home mom and guess what. Ray Croc buys her idea for millions of dollars....and miss stay at home Mom is now a multimillionaire. That my friends would never happen to me. Or the kid who invented the bacon drip pan because his mom ran out of paper towels when he wanted bacon to eat. This as seen on tv product is now sold in Walmarts across the country next to the microwave section. i believe this kid was 11 years old and is now a multimillionaire. My kids had better start earning their keep or they are out!!! I mean god I would help out people if I was rich. I have my list of family and friends that would be set for life if I ever hit the big one. And i would donate to charities, just give me a shot.... $$$$$$ ....Peace Out...

The Gym.....UGH!!!

So I have tried numerous times to enjoy going to the gym....let's just say there are more reasons to hate it than there are to enjoy it. I have started once again on the journey to trying to be healthy and fit...it makes me laugh just to say it out loud. Constantly trying to watch what I eat sucks....I mean let's face it Salad...boring!!! So I guess if i want to eat my plate of chips and salsa every night at work and still fit into my size 6 jeans I will have to omg shoot me in the face...work out!!!

So you get to the gym and put your stuff in the little locker and try to act like hey I come here all the time what the hell are you looking at...then you go to the counter and sign in and the chick behind the desk says wow where have you been, we haven't seen you in a while....as she says it 37 people walk by and look at you like omg what a looser....and you instantly want to knock that receptionist right the fuck out...But you smile and nod and say yes I am trying to start getting back into it again, all the while you are thinking maybe you should get your fat ass out of that chair and go do a few rounds with the eliptictal sista cuz you are looking like you had one to many whoopie pies over the summer...

So after that you head upstairs to the machines!!! I always try to find a treadmill or punch me in the face an eliptical that isn't near anyone...because guess what I don't want any of you crazy muscle head or toned to the bone jerks near me when I am barely able to breath and sweating profusely just trying to get through a 40 minute workout, watching me out of the corner of your eye...with disdain of course. But that is never really what happens anyway, I get stuck next to the dude who can not control his breathing and has sweat flinging off of his body in every direction...that is my life. So while I walk at a swift pace, because running is just not an option, I am also dodging the flying bodily fluids coming off the guy next to me...and o yeah still trying look like I go to the gym all of the time...

As my 40 minute workout comes to an end...and my body can barely control itself because at this point, I am shaking and just a mess...I head out into the sea of weights!!! Which thanks to my friend, I was taught the art of planks!!! There is a reason the I call her my personal nightmare...So I get into position and decide to do a few planks, because hey I come to the gym all of the time and i got this....I am counting in my head and my body looks like I am going into epileptic shock. The scene is not pretty, and I decide fuck this...and I am going to WORKOUT MY CORE!!!

So I head to a remote part of the gym where Jillian Michaels is hanging out and hey just doing a few squats here...Really cuz her legs and abs probably couldn't be more ripped at this point and I would say that her workout is complete...o and did I mention that her ass is so tight that it makes me puke in my mouth a little bit...needless to say I am feeling a little bit intimidated but I can do this...screw Jillian

So I grab my pathetic 5 pound weights and my little mat and of yes the ball....I proceed to do my arm excercises and my sit ups...I mean let's face how does one really balance gracefully on one of those balls and o yeah do sit ups...the whole time that I am doing them i am thinking in my head please god up in heaven do not let me fall off in front of Jillian Michaels...that would be just redonkuculous....but I push through. I have worked out and somewhere the gods are singing....

and I think to myself just for a second mind you, hey maybe I could take a class and then I realize that I have absolutely no coordination and I would end up on you tube getting a million hits as the chick who kicked boxed the entire class right the fuck out....or the girl who fell off the spin cycle and got head trama....um prob not for me...

I head my sweaty nasty self down into the locker room, which by the way i do not care how fit you are, I don't want to see you naked. Please put your towel on and get dressed in a room that has a curtain or a door or something to block out the sight of your lilly white ass from my view. I am only here to change and leave.

As I head back to the front door, feeling a little bit accomplished, I hear the receptionist shout out at me Hey Michelle I hope to see you again soon, let's not make it so long next time in between work outs. Really her days at that desk are numbered and she had better watch her back on the street. But I put my head down and run to my car, and think to myself YES I CAN NOT WAIT TO GO BACK TOMORROW....WTF!!!

and that's my take on the gym...peace out!!!

on being a bartender...

....so I recently took a week off from work so that I could spend some time at home doing normal Mom stuff like cooking dinner every night and reading stories at bedtime...shit like that. Well I have decided that my kids are way better off if I work four nights a week. I don't know how so many women and I applaud you for this stay home all day and night with these little people. For the sake and sanity of my educated brain I am fairly certain I could not do it full time. I would def kill someone or myself. I have said before that i love my children with all of my heart, but man they are just dumb sometimes. I swear that every child enters a secret club that one of the rules is to see how far we can push our parents before they mentally snap. Now I know that I did it as a kid to my mom, so why should my kids be any different...those perfect little angels...HA!!!

My son who is six has taken to whining about well EVERYTHING!!! He must be getting initiated into the club and this is the first stage. But I will tell you he may not see 7....my daughter barely made it out this stage...by the skin of teeth. So I wish Brady luck on this journey but I will say this Megan didn't brake me so good luck...I WILL PREVAIL...

My daughter she is a whole other beast....she has started at 10 years old with the dirty looks as she walks away from you and the sneaky stupid stuff...like hiding a flashlight in her room so she can read at night, or playing her DS under the covers. She has learned however that when getting caught there will be consequences...However as soon as she gets caught she has learned how to turn on those tears and let the rivers flow...Again I have done this and she will not win...

as my week of vacation drew to a close I realized that I couldn't wait to go back to work, last night was my first night back. It took me approximately 3 hours before I had felt like I never left and wanted to physically put someone out of their misery. People are truly dumb,,,like the crazy lady who came in last night and proceeded to annoy me beyond comprehension. Or the man who looks at me like I am the idiot...when he is beyond rude.

My job is such a strange job when you think about it. I get paid to serve people which when said like that I guess I could be a politician. I serve people food and drinks...two things that most normal people can provide for by themselves. I look at my job and think how on Earth did this type of service come into play. When did someone decide I don't feel like pouring myself a drink let me pay someone else to. I get tipped for my service....or rather how well I put the drink in front of the person...weird. I also have learned that the more I insult people with the art of sarcasm perfected of course the more they like me. So I guess at work I have the best of both worlds, I can tell people off and still get paid for it...lol

Anyway just a thought on how I will not be taking any vacations.... unless I am flying on plane and sipping a fruity cocktail served to me by someone else....Peace Out!!!

Wardrobe Fau Pauxs

So I have sat idle for long enough and I feel the need to have a word with the ladies. There are some things regarding your choice of clothing that needs to be addressed. As you all know that I am a bartender I see all of the latest trends and I make a mental note of the ones that I like and laugh at the ones that I wore back in the 80's that were ridiculous then but even worse now because the younger generation was stupid enough to bring them back.... o and think that they look good.

With that said let's get to it.....first of all to all of the girls who are wearing a bra that wasn't properly fitted to your body. If you look in the mirror and you see two giant boobs and then two smaller boobs right in the cleavage area that is not extra cleavage. that means that your bra is too small and your boobs are pouring out of the top of it. It doesn't matter if it is your favorite leopard print bra..... guess what you have had one too many pizza rolls and it's to damn small for you now. Time to go to Vic Secret and let the experts tell you your bra size...stand there and take the punishment of some random 20 something year old chick wrapping that measuring tool around your boobs and telling you that you are two sizes bigger than what you are actually wearing. ...o and don't fight with them because guess what nobody wants to look at all four of your boobs anymore...fix it!!!

Next on my list...I would like to address the "Camel Toe"....for those of you who don't know what a Camel Toe is let me explain...If you pile your size 8 body into a pair of size 4 jeans just because you can and you think that you look good...you obiviously haven't taken in the whole picture. Get a floor length mirror sista cuz you are not a size 4 anymore!!! Camel Toe is when you are wearing a pair of jeans that are way too tight and you look in the mirror...don't just look at your ass turn around if you can clearly make out all of your vaginal parts guess what you have camel toe...remove your jeans immediately. It is not attractive to show everyone your junk....and ladies, guys know what camel toe is and they don't think it is cute....

Now to the "Muffin Top"....one of my favorites...let's go back to the whole size 8 wearing a size 4 chick...if you have a roll of flubber hanging over the top of your jeans than guess what when you put your mid drift shit on (mid drift shirts will be addressed next) that roll of flubber....um Muffin Top...you look like the top of a muffin...skinny on the bottom and rotund on the top....you can not wear low rise jeans I'm sorry I know it's the trend but not for you....mid rise or the mommy jeans(mommy jeans are jeans that basically go up to just under the boob area...in which case you would end up with a fupa....and I don't think that you are ready for me to address the fupa yet)

ahhh the mid drift shirt....an 80's staple has made it's way back into style. The mid drift shirt can only be worn by a few women. If you are over the age of 22 you should not attempt the mid drift shirt. I don't care if you work out everyday and you have a six pack stomach...it's trashy!!! If you have the slightest muffin top than please for everyone who has to observe you don't do it!!! I am just sayin....

The last thing that I need to address is for the guys....if you are holding your jeans up around your upper thighs with a belt and your boxers are clearly visible and we can make out the crack of your ass through them...pull your jeans up. It's so not attractive..you are not gangsta you are an idiot and you look like an idiot...no chick wants to hangout with a guy that can not buy a pair of jeans that actually fit their body...


Just my opinions...peace out!!!

Winter can kiss my ass dammit!!!!

So it is the dead of winter and I am not friggin joking. Living in New England is just the pits and anyone who says "oooo it's so beautiful and I love the changing of the seasons and the pretty tree leaves and the hot summer days". Yup all of that its great UNTIL....all of sudden you are minding your own business running around town in your flip flops when suddenly at 4:00 it's pitch black outside and thats ok I don't like it, but I can tolerate it. and it starts to get a little bit colder and you can't wear you flip flops anymore now that starts to piss me off I'm not gonna lie. Then some stupid meteorologist, who by the way has a job in the only profession where you can be wrong 90% of the time and still get paid, comes on the tv and says "get ready for old man winter...a giant nor'easter is headed our way".....that's when I can not take it anymore!!! Everyone looks at the first snow of the year and says o isn't it pretty and yup I will admit sometimes when I am looking out of the window in my nice cozy bunny slippers I say it is kind of pretty. That is until Jack Frost who by the way is a jerk, dumps 12 inches of snow onto us and continues to dump snow until we clearly have no place to put any of it. Now here we are in the midst of another 9 to 12 inch drop of white fluffy shit on top of the already 30 something inches we have got now, and I say ENOUGH ALREADY!!!! Please Jesus stop the insanity....I can't take it anymore. Usually I can get out of the winter sports such as sledding which is an accident waiting to happen. they really need some kind of policing on these hills, my kid smashed his sled into some other kid, I run down the hill to make sure the other kid is ok and the mother who was sledding herself looks at me like I am trying to steal her kid. Clearly mother of the year material right there huh? She had absolutely no idea that her kid got pretty much taken out cuz he decided to lay exactly where he fell off his sled....future president I am sure. and I can usually get out of the whole shoveling crap, that is until my husband decided that for this storm he would go away for the weekend....which by the way his weekend starts on Wednesday and ends on Sunday....and in reality that is 5 days and by some standards a week.. anyway that's a whole other blog. So with that I said I sit here and watch the snow falling and read the school closings (this I will revisit in a just a moment) and revel in the fact that when all is said and done I have to either shovel this shit or figure out how the hell to start the snowblower...and I laugh at that simply because once I start it, it will drag me around like a rag doll and blow snow everywhere but where I want it to go...

Let me just revisit the whole School Closing thing again. Now I went to Lynn Public Schools....my son is in preschool in Lynn...my daughter elementary in Peabody...I never, ever, ever, remember school being called off before the storm even started...this is absolutely redonkulous...which by definition means half donkey, half just plain dumb....I remember praying before I went to bed please God, please God, let there be snow when I wake up...let there be no school...PLEASE!!! And I remember the joy when I woke up and ran to the window and looked out and saw that there was no school...I would do a little dance in my pj's singing I got no school..... I got no school....while my mom would bury her head in her cup of tea....but that is not the case anymore...NOPE. They want to simplify and be sure to cater to the morning commute...therefore they call of school before the storm starts...these kids have had so many snow days this year that in order to go to school for 180 days they will be well into July...and that's just cutting into my time..... the summer...Again this is New England and I guess as a resident I have to endure the dreaded S word....but that doesn't mean that I have to like it...and if it doesn't stop soon....I may just cut off an extremity and sacrifice it up to the season gods....the funny thing is as I finish up this blog my phone just rang with a recorded message from the Peabody Superintendent of schools telling me that due to the predicted heavy snow accumulations there will be no school in the city of Peabody tomorrow....BAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA.....I need some wine...


PEACE LOVE AND WINE!!!!

Outsourced God Dammit!!!!

God forbid that anyone ever have a problem with their computer. Unless you are a computer guru or have taken apart your computer and figured out how to put it back together your life will completely suck until you finally find someone who can help you. So the other day Verizon was having issues with their wifi....my husband made the mistake of calling verizon to see what the issue was. They said no problem it's on our end and we will fix it. Great wow that was easy....well I should've know better....nothing is ever that easy!!! I got a call the next day a recording saying this is verizon your problem is solved....lol.....clearly I am an idiot because guess what when I sat down at the computer all excited to stalk my favorite people on facebook um NOTHING worked....being that I am not a computer guru I decided that I would let Scott deal with it....after another 3 hours of giving his name and email address to every Indian and Phillipino person from here to China...they determined that we had to go out and buy a cable to hook up our wireless to a land line to fix it....are you fucking serious?? So verizon stupid problem is now going to cost me money to fix?? I didn't like that decision so therfore I decided that I would take care of the problem....little did I know the aggravation I was about to embark on...

So I get my cup of coffee and set Brady up with Imagination Movers....and I proceed to make my call, with every intention of having a technician come to my house and fix this problem that was not my fault to begin with....After 20 minutes of giving my information to an automated extremely happy recording that I now want to punch in the face....I finally get to Nisfat who says his name is Joe but really c'mon I am not that stupid am I? Joe proceeds to tell me that they do not send technicians out for wireless problems...and that if I tell him if the proper lights are blinking he can help me solve my problem over the phone....HA HA HA clearly Joe has never met me....I tell Joe that I do not have time to deal with him anymore could he put his supervisor on the phone....after 15 more mintutes of giving my name and email address on the phone comes Patel...who call himself Henry....and he gives me the same scenerio....So I ask "Henry" where are you located and he tells me that he is the Phillipines... really are you kidding me? Henry get me someone on the phone in the state of Massachusetts....I am sorry madam....lol madam? but we do not have offices in the state of Massachusetts...well that's just fucking wonderful Henry....I proceed to tel Henry that he is a poor excuse for a customer seervice supervisor and I hang up on him after 45 minutes on the phone I have gotten no where...FML!!!! So I try another phone number and AHHHHH the skies open up and someone without an accent answers the phone....he tells me that he has a guy who will come out and fix the problem...omg really you are amazing....he transfers me to Louis....we are on the phone working through my issues and guess what Louis disconnects me....WTF.....never to call me back....I hate my computer and Verizon and every outsourced mo fo in the world they all suck!!!!

Needless to say I never got the problem fixed...I wasted 2 hours of my life......and i got a world of aggravation and I will never call anyone about the computer again!!!!

Peace!!!

ugh is summer really over?

So here we go....first off where the hell did the summer go? I am really annoyed with the fact that next weekend is labor day weekend. I am so not ready for the fun days of fall. Please...first off I have no jeans that fit so in order to actually be warm this fall I am required to go shopping. Secondly who the hell wants to friggin spend half a month raking leaves. I have this giant retarded tree in front of my house, it's leaves don't fall when everyone else's leaves fall....of course not why would they? So I get to rake the leaves that fall from my neighbors trees and blow down the street and conviently stop in front of my house...take a whole Sunday afternoon raking my neighbors leaves because of the damn wind....then when leave raking season should come to an end for all of the normal trees my tree decides that it would be a great time for its leaves to fall...and god forbid the wind pick up as my leaves are falling...um no...my leaves fall and land directly on my front lawn and that's where they stay...until they are raked up...it's beyond fun.
Then we have the fun task of covering the pool and the never ending battle of keeping the rain water off of the pool cover. So we get to stare at the god awful ugly pool cover for the next nine months...and when it rains we have to run outside with the make shift pump stick, it in the pool cover and suck all of the water out before it starts to freeze. Last year I ran outside with the pump, threw it in the pool started sucking the gross water off of the cover and what happens next....o gee let me tell you....I grabbed the pump and the hose ripped out of the bottom of the pump, but hey guess what the pump did not stop pumping...no why would it? That would've been nice, but instead all of the dirty nasty gross smelly disgusting pool cover water came flying threw the pump and smashed directly into my face....it was a really good time...hope it happens again this year...and who designs those pool covers anyway? Really couldn't they make them a little bit cuter...I mean we have to stare at it for nine months out of the years? It's butt ugly....
Fall is jus a reminder of what is to come....WINTER ugh only people who lie will tell you that they enjoy the winter....it sucks!!! How can you enjoy below freezing temperatures, gusting winds, and snow that piles up and gets flithy rotten dirty after the first ten minutes of falling...o wait yes I can't wait to shovel and go sledding and build a friggin snowman....um no don't want to do any of that....I hate the flippin winter!!!!! Omg how about trying to bundle up kids with hats, mittens, snow pants, boots, snow coats, turtlenecks, long johns, fluffy socks, sweatpants, so you finally get all of this one them and they are so excited to go outside and play in the snow,,,,meanwhile I am looking at them like you crazy little aliens why would you want to go outside and freeze to death? So you struggle with them and get all of their gear on the them and send their smiling little faes out into the winter wonderland....THEN...they are outside for about ten minutes when someone is crying because the got a snowball in the face or Mommy its freezing out here can we come in? Really so you bring them in and proceed to remove every article of clothing that you just spent the last 30 minutes of your life putting on them...Screw that....I don't why I even live in New England give me a nice hot humid tropical island anyday....

PEACE KIDS!!!!

Summer Vacation.....

As the summer is winding down I can safely say GET THESE GOD DAMN KIDS THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE....I mean really how can I possibly find another exciting thing for them to do...I have been mini golfing two hundred thousand times, to the park, to the beach, to the Willows, o my friggin god... And for the love of God do they really have to fight every two seconds...Mom she is touching me...Mom he is in my room...Mom she held my head under the pool water...Mom he held a pillow over my face lol ok exaggerating but you get it...shut the fuck up!!! You little people are driving me insane...I can't even complete a friggin thought with out someone in my face....hey kid go back to school.... just go and wait for the damn doors to open and for somebody to let you in...

Please little girl who I gave birth to go and take a shower....I will when this show is over...what wait a minute um no go now before i friggin kill you...ok Mom I willshe says... but now they are chasing each other around the house fighting over a picture that they found in a box in the closet from 1982...really I will rip the god damn picture in half and make them eat it...UGH!!! So finally after I scream at the top of my lungs for my daughter to go and take a shower for like the 5th time, her response is OK...in a yelling tone...Really who are talking to doesnt she realize that I gave life to her...I sacrficed my body as a god damn hotel for 40 weeks...I gave up beer to be pregnant and I puked everyday to give you life ...omg so I tell her that after her shower is having a timeout in her room for yelling at me...she immediately starts to cry and can't figure out why she is trouble...and have you realized that girls can give you one dirty look as a parent and you want to grab their face by the cheeks and just squeeze the shit out of them....and my son who has now figured out that I am pissed has frozen in his space at the sound of me handing out timeouts and is just staring at my daughter with pity and a slight smirk because it is not him who is trouble this time...as she is stomping up the stairs, my son who is far from innocent rushes over to me to tell me that he loves me and I am the bestest mommy in the whole world...yeah right who are you trying to play you little shit...I am not buying it...buzz off...

I have now called my dog about 650 times to come down stairs and eat and go outside to the bathroom...guess what the dog does not move unless I rush up the stairs and totally lift her ass off of the floor...really even my dog doesn't listen to me...she is supposed to be my best buddy, my one partner in the this house that doesn't piss me off...but hey guess what might as well get on the friggin gravy boat too....flipping dog...

So I am getting aggravated and totally pissed off trying to get these kids ready to go out and do soemthing fun for them...really and they are giving me a hard time...and my dog who will not come down stairs and eat and get ready for her walk...which is a friggin treat also...I walk the dog and yell at the kids the whole time for running ahead and not looking before they cross the street...so much that my neighbors think that I ma a crazy lunatic...maybe I am i don't know...I yell at the dog because she has to stop and sniff every damn thing on the ground...really....just WALK ....

This is my life...like I said go back to school...and I don;t care if you people think I am mean if you have kids you are raising your arms up in victory over the fact that it is like only one more month and if you don't kids then you have lost the right ot judge me until you push a ten pound alien from your body....PEACE OUT!!!!

My God Son....

So did you ever have someone in your life that you have just felt a certain connection to since the first time that you held them as an infant. It could be your own child the first time the doctor lays them on your chest after you give birth. It could be a friends baby that you hold and they just grab your finger for dear life and they just don't want to let go. Either way there is a certain connection that you feel like you would do anything for this child just to keep them safe and happy forever. My first experience with this feeling was when one of my very best friends in the world was pregnant with her first child. I watched as she went through everything that a pregnant mom goes through with awe...from her morning sickness, to her cravings, to her mood swings, and her ever growing belly...and then one night we were hanging out watching a movie and she said the baby is moving...she took my hand and put it on her belly and wow he was definitely moving..it was amazing and so alien to me. I mean I understood the whole process, but that was the first time that I had actually felt a baby move inside someone's body. we talked endlessly for hours about what her and her husband would name the baby and they finally settled with Matthew...it was a good name I thought that she made a great choice...

Then on August 15th 1994, my friend went into labor. Her husband being the crazy person that he is drove like a crazy person to the hospital and after may hours of labor...they had their first son. I remember being so excited to finally go to the hospital and meet this new baby that I had watched grow in his mother's belly for 40 weeks, actually I believe it was a little longer than forty weeks. Anyway I couldn't wait to meet Matthew, I walked into her hospital room and she introduced me to her new son Kyle. Kyle? Who the hell is Kyle? and what did you do with Matthew? Well true to her nature the baby's name changed during delivery and Kyle was born..

I leaned over the basinet to see the sweetest little baby boy that I have ever seen. He had a full head of blond hair and was just looking up at me like pick me up please...so I did. So you know that when you hold a baby for the first time you are supposed to make a wish for the baby for the future...as i picked Kyle up I made my wish. He grabbed onto my finger and just like I that he never let go. The instant connection was there and I knew that I would have a very special person in my life forever.

We played together, I taught him all the things that I shouldn't have..the things that if someone had taught my kids now I would shoot them...like how to say MINE...I bought him all of the presents that guess what any parent would kill their friends for buying them...like a house full of 1000 balls to jump in...I sang to him when he was sad and couldn't sleep...I taught him how to crack eggs and scramble up shells included and I taught adults that they had better eat the damn shells...we always had fun...anyway

He has never disappointed...he is gorgeous, smart, funny, considerate, an athlete...just the kind of kid that you hope for your own children to grow up to be...

This past weekend his family met us up in Maine on their way home from a family vacation...it was a great treat as we don't get to see them as much as I would like to. I looked at my friends boys who are now growing into amazing men both of which are taller than me and I just couldn't believe that the little boy who I had such a special bond with was now growing into an adult....

So as parents we always try to choose for our children the best people that we think would be good godparents for our children should they need guidance in their lives...and sometimes the choices we make aren't always the right ones. I learned this weekend that it's the child who picks their godparents...as we sat around the campfire the subject of godparents came up and Kyle feeling like he never really had a godmother in the person that his parents chose for him turned to me and asked me if I would be his godmother...That I was his choice and I realized that in that moment that the bond I felt with him as a baby he felt too...and that's why he chose me. I cried and I hugged him and told him that I would be honored...now as he approves his 16th birthday I am proud to look at him and say I have a god son...someone that I look at and know will do great things with his life...someone who choose me to play such an important role in his life...and I can wait to see what the future holds for him...I am honored....

Early Mornings SUCK!!!!

Mom...Mommy...Mama..Mommer...Michelle Michelle....Ma Ma MA MOMMY!!!! MOMMY!!!!!!........WHAT DO YOU WANT.....I love you Mom.....and this is my 5 year old....What the hell is wrong with kids...they are so weird...the have no clue what it means to sleep in. My son was up at 5:45 am today, clearly he has no conception of the fact that it is Sunday morning. He woke up so full of energy ready face the world...the only problem was THAT THE WORLD WAS STILL ASLEEP CUZ IT'S SUNDAY MORNING....

He comes into my room and I am dead asleep...He sticks his little face as close as he possibly can to mine without actually touching it and proceeds to do what he calls a whisper, but what any normal human being would call a low growl....MOM can we go downstairs? Now any normal person who doesn't have kids if woken up that way from a dead sleep would automatically freak the fuck out right...they would sit up, probably be like what the fuck or maybe even start swinging cuz they would think some insane midget broke into their house and is now waking them up....Any parent that gets woken up in this fashion on a regular basis just immediately starts to cry and whine because they no this is no joke...You are about to embark on the rest of your day...HE IS AWAKE!!! there is no turning back...it doesn't matter to him what the clock says....no you may be able to appease him for a bit...tell him to go play in his room for awhile or turn on the tv in your room for awhile...but what's the point really you will never find that deep sleep again....the only hope that you have is that he doesn't wake up the other kids in your house...cuz that would be awful..My daughter if woken up before she has had enough sleep is just plain miserable for the rest of the day...So you strap a set on, get on of bed, and go downstairs with this little person who is smiling from ear to ear and all you can think of is how can I kill him so that I can go back to bed...LOL well maybe not that drastic but you get the idea...

Anyway, my son also really enjoys public restrooms...I think that I have seen the inside of every public bathroom on the North Shore. It doesn't matter how many times that I ask him before we leave the house if he has to go potty, which by the way he never does of course. For as soon as we reach our destination he immediately grabs his privates, buckles at the knees and is about to literally pee his pants. I have to physically pick him up around the waist throw him over my shoulder and run for the nearest bathroom, which by the way is always at the very back of the store....why I have no fucking clue..maybe the architect never had kids...so I run for the bathroom...anyone who has ever been in a public restroom knows that they all smell like absolute piss....no way around it, completely fucking disgusting beyond any smell that has ever resinated your nose.. So I get him into the stall and proceed to tell DO NOT TOUCH ANYTHING....ok Mommy I won't and he goes potty with a hugh sigh of relief...I get him all cleaned up and help him with his pants...then I turn my back for 10 seconds to flush the toilet with my foot because again DO NOT TOUCH ANYTHING....as I turn back around I see my precious son on his hands and knees still in the stall mind you sticking his head under the next stall peeking on the lady going the bathroom...first of all I scream not because he is peeking on a lady who the hell cares about that, but because OMG HE IS ON THE FLOOR OF A PUBLIC BATHROOM...how the hell am I going to sanitize his entire body, it's just simply horrifying....I scream at him to get up, which scares the crap out of him and he immediately starts to cry....great now I have a germ infested screaming 5 years old in a public bathroom who probably just contracted VD or some other rare disease....FML....and all that I wanted to do was shop around Target for a bit...Really who's idea was this whole kid thing anyway??? and just for the record when do these little people actually figure out how to wipe their own asses....if I was to let my son wipe his own butt I would have shit all over the bathroom, I thought that when the diapers were off they were on their own, why do I have to teach him how to wipe, isn't that something that one just automatically knows how to do? c'mon man so friggin gross....

So now don't get me wrong totally love my son,,,but for the love of god somebody please teach him how to tell time...o wait that's my job right....great just great!!!

Peace.....

PPPPPLLLLLLLLLBBBBBB............

...so summer is upon us and as I sit and type this blog I realize that my favorite season is falling short of my expectations this year...my mood and attitude pretty much suck...I can't get out of this pathetic place that my head is in....so what to do? I need a change...what change exactly I am not really sure...everything seems so mundane. What to do quit my job, nope stuck at that I need money...give away my kids...nope I would miss them...but the everyday things that I have to do are just boring me to death...Wake up try and think of something to do with the kids so they don't fight and kill each other and are entertained at the same time for the 10 hours before I go to work. For those of you who don't have kids, you may think that ooo big deal you have to figure out something fun to do with your kids, well it's not easy trust me...There are only so many times that you can go to Salem Willows or sit out by the pool....etc...

It would be nice to have a day or week or a month where one could just get up and not have to worry about anybody else but themselves....sounds extremely selfish right well I don't give shit....I think that I have surrounded myself with too many people who don't have the same responsibilities that I do, not to say that they don't understand what I do everyday...but they just don't get it until they are living it...They have so much freedom, however they are just fucking idiots because they are all looking to do what I am in the midst of now....get married and have kids, and live happily ever after. It's a joke man, everybody always wants more.....and the later gets so boring that you simply fall into a routine.....get up take care of the kids, clean the house, do laundry, grocery shop, take the kids to do something fun and entertaining for them, yell at the kids so they do what you need them to do in order to get to work on time, go to work and end up being late no matter what time you leave the house, take care of the customers, maybe have a drink after work to unwind, be home by at least 2 am because anything later would be unacceptable, try and get maybe four or five hours of sleep.., sleep, get up and do the exact same thing all over again...

I was talking to one of my regulars the other day...she isn't married, has no kids, and works somewhat freelance...she is generally a very happy person, but recent things in her life have given her a kick in the ass...so I asked her you have nothing holding you to Salem so what the hell are you still doing here? Because let's face it our tiny little corner of the globe is pretty, but its not Hawaii...She really didn't know, I think that she has thought numerous times about leaving, but fear of the unknown has held her back...as I was talking to her I was looking around thinking of all the people that I see on a regular everyday basis and I wonder how many of them are truly happy or do they just have periods of happiness when things get just a little bit different in their lives...a new job, a new relationship, a vacation booked...I have seen so many people get stuck in their lives that they have forgotten what their dreams and hopes were for themselves, they forget what they wanted out of life and they live to give their children the future that they dream of....only guess what their children are probably going to end up having kids and doing the exact same thing...very few people actually accomplish what they set out to do with their lives...if you sit back and think about it.....there is so much world to see how can people actually never leave their little bubble....because their stupid and afraid to see what they could really do if they put their minds to it, myself included. But guess what even if you have the mind set to do it....if you don't have the money than you can't do a thing...unless you put yourself into debt with the hopes that in the end your venture will pay off otherwise you are worse off then you were before...

Now don't get me wrong I love my kids to death and I wouldn't trade them for anything. If I didn't have them I would probably die. They make me laugh and smile everyday, they are the best!!!!. But I hope to instill just that small little bit of selfishness into them so that when they are making their choices in life, they are truly doing what they have set out to do.... and what makes them happy... PEACE OUT BABIES.......